A Not So First Class Dinner
by sabresrthebest
Summary: A little one-shot I wrote because I was bored. Everyone's favorite lookouts wreak a little havoc at dinner.


**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Titanic characters, they belong to history. I do however, own Kristen Petronsky**

**F.Y.I: This is a little piece of nonsense that takes place during **_**Hard To Starboard! **_**Please don't think I'm being disrespectful of the character's memories….I'm just having fun.**

**A Not-So-First-Class Dinner**

I was sitting in the First-Class dining hall, listening to people drone on about nothing. It had been a stressful day, I was tired, and now I had to sit through torture. I nodded at various points in the conversation, inputting occasionally. Just when I thought the evening couldn't get any more boring, I saw two men that could make anyone smile: Fleet and Lee.

I laughed as I saw them trying to be waiters, lugging out a huge tray of olives and cheeses. It was then that Archibald Butt began to tell an awful story that could put anyone to sleep in two minutes, even Lights when he had too much coffee.

"Hey! Watch the corner!" Fleet exclaimed to his companion.

"Sorry, I'm new at this….hey! It's Kristen!"

"What? Where?"

Lee pointed in my direction.

"Get her attention!"

"With what? I'm not going to scream her name!" Lee said.

"Gimme an olive."

"No! Why do you-"

Too late. Fleet had taken the olive and launched it towards me. Instead, it hit Archibald square in the back of the head.

"What in the?" he asked, bewildered.

"You missed!" Lee scolded.

"It's not a water bomb! If it is anything but a water bomb, I can't throw it!"

"Oh, boo-hoo."

I tried hard not to laugh as Archibald began to look around. I knew what those two were up to, I just didn't want to say anything, it was too funny to watch the high-class crowd embarrass themselves.

"Ummm….cheese me." Fleet requested, holding out a hand, in which Lee dropped some cheddar into. Fleet aimed, and fired, yet hitting Archibald in the head again. The dinner company began to laugh. Andrews seemed to be laughing the hardest, and Archibald figured it was him, so, taking some caviar, he placed it on a spoon, and flung it. The fish eggs narrowly missed Andrews, and hit Lady Duff Gordon.

"Uh-oh." Fleet and Lee said in unison, taking the wise route, and exiting before things had the chance to get ugly.

I shook my head as they walked away. _Way to wimp out, guys. _I thought. Lady Duff Gordon was so shocked at having fresh caviar all over her, that she didn't say anything. Sir Cosmo, instead, took some mashed potatoes, and launched them at Butt, who in turn, launched some back at Sir Cosmo. Molly Brown was laughing so hard, I thought she was going to fall out of her chair, and I just sat there, watching the war break out. _Oooh, I'll have a few words with those two after this one. _I shook my head as I thought of what I would say, but I was called back to the war when I heard a scream. My head snapped up to see Butt, standing up on his chair, with a handful of carrots, and Andrews ducking behind Cosmo. If society ever found out about this, they would be disowned for sure.

"Take that!" Butt exclaimed, as the carrots flew all over.

"Gimme that chicken!"

Before I knew it, a chicken was being launched across the table. I even had to duck to avoid being hit by chicken. By this time, Lady Duff Gordon and Molly Brown were involved as well.

It was when Ismay entered that I knew there would be some problems. He gasped at the sight in front of him. Completely crazy passengers, and a completely messy dining hall.

"Mister Andrews-I---Ah!" Ismay exclaimed, as he felt a cold liquid being poured on him.

"Enjoy the wine, Bruce!" Molly joked before prancing away. I could've sworn I heard Ismay growl, and he took a bottle of champagne form ice, and shook it for a bit before aiming it, and firing. Champagne went everywhere, covering everything and everyone.

"This is the last time I sail on one of your ships, Ismay!" Cosmo exclaimed upon being hit, and ultimately drenched.

"Oh, relax, Cos, this is fun! Yahoo!" Andrews sang, before running around like a maniac. I was beginning to think some of the alcohol got to his head.

Everyone else in the dining hall had evacuated by this time, so I was like a fly on the wall in the event of the century. Everyone was covered in food, and it was all thanks to our two favorite lookouts. My thoughts were interrupted as, once again, screaming reached my ears. This time, it was Ismay chasing Butt around, launching various glasses at his backside. Every time Butt got hit, he screamed. I smacked my hand up to my forehead, and laughed.

"Right in the butt, Butt!" Molly laughed.

In turn, Butt managed to throw a plate at her. She ducked quickly, and it shattered against the wall behind her. Surprised, she began throwing silverware, pretty much everything except for knives.

Not long after, the head cook came out, and freaked.

"No! My dining hall!"

"YOUR dining hall? This is MY dining hall!" Ismay exclaimed, regally, before getting hit in the head with another glass, and falling to the floor, unconscious.

"All of you, out! You! Officer, clean this mess up!" the cook ordered, before slamming the door. Everyone exited, stepping over Ismay, a few kicked it, and I was left with a filthy room to clean.

**Five Hours Later…….**

I was humming an old tune continuously, as I continued to clean. My rag was almost worn through, and my water was filthy. Not even to mention I had only cleaned half the hall. My head snapped around when I saw two familiar faces, the dynamic duo that started it all, Fleet and Lee.

"You missed watch."

"I know that." I responded, wringing out my rag.

"Well, why didn't you come up?"

"Because I have been busy cleaning up the mess that you two made!" I hissed.

**Five Hours After the Previous Five Hours Mentioned**

"Ugh….how much more do we have to do?" Lee groaned, his arm motions becoming slower, and slower.

"We're done! It looks fine!"

"Nope, you still missed something." I shook my head.

They both groaned: "What?"

I nudged my head towards the corner, and wedged, way up high, was an olive.

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I was bored. An insane bit of nonsense, but please don't be mean! I hope you enjoyed! :D


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